The Victims
Q: Let's talk about the victims. What do you
think has caused you to feel the way you do today?
It takes the Spirit of God to produce empathy
-- a capacity for experiencing the feelings and
thoughts of others. In 1974, the book Helter Skelter
arrived at the prison library. As I read about
Wilfred Parent going to the morgue to identify
his son Steve and returning home, his wife in
hysterics, both putting their three kids in bed
with them, holding each other and crying themselves
to sleep, I broke. I could've turned to a psychiatrist
or to drugs with the pain, but the Lord had Christians
coming from all directions to reach out to me.
They didn't know what was troubling me, but God
did, and He sent them to comfort me. They knew
that I needed Christ, and it wasn't long before
I would surrender my all to Him.
God gives hope, even though we don't deserve
it. God never stopped loving me, nor did the body
of Christ. As a result, in May 1975, I asked Jesus
Christ into my life. He began to show me the true
reality of my gruesome, disgusting crime, and
the devastating pain of my victims. My sin caused
unbearable pain.
Q: What did the Lord show you about your victims?
One thing really stands out, but He didn't show
it to me all at once. The empathy I've developed
over the years didn't come in a flash. The Lord
began to show me that every life -- man, woman,
or child is made in the image of God and is of
enormous value in His eyes. This thought was entirely
missing at the time of my crime, even though my
mother had tried to teach me to live for others.
It takes God to show a person the value of life.
I know many people who are clueless about the
pain they've caused because they haven't admitted
their own pain; instead, they medicate it daily
with drugs, sex, and the like. I was concerned
that I didn't know how to feel about my victims'
deep pain and knew I needed help. I began to see
that as my view of God changed, my view of my
victims changed.
Q: Can you elaborate on the difference in
the way you felt about your victims at the time
of the crime and the way you feel today?
I think I've already shared how I felt at the
time of the crime. We talked about my selfishness
and lack of feelings, the false belief system,
cult mentality, drugs, and even the music. This
rebellious lifestyle developed into a sort of
"us and them" syndrome. Our victims
had become our enemies, even though we didn't
know them. It was what they had become in our
minds as a result of Manson's constant programming
and mind control.
I think you know how I feel today. I have tried
to put myself in the shoes of my victims and their
families. I could never do this entirely, but
over the years, I've grown willing to go there
in my thoughts and feelings. It's not easy, but
I must be willing to look at what I've done in
its fullness. By faith, I have placed it on the
cross of Calvary where Christ died for my sin,
pain and sorrow, so that I could be healed.
Q: You mentioned earlier that you don't beat
yourself up with guilt, but some people think
they should. What do you say about this?
If anyone should beat themselves up, I should.
I've learned, though, that it doesn't pay, but
instead, makes things worse. It's not that I haven't
struggled with it tremendously. But guilt robs
a person of their future, and as long as we stay
in chains to it, we'll go nowhere. God, in His
mercy, has given me a future.
I've come to understand that Christ came to free
us of our guilt. Don't get me wrong, I am guilty
of my crime, and I am ashamed of what I did, but
to wallow in guilt would only create another victim.
Christ took our guilt and gave us freedom from
the hold our past has on us.
Q: How do you think your crimes have impacted
your victims and their families?
I took my victims' most precious possession --
life itself. I caused tremendous anguish, distress
and suffering. I took their dreams, visions for
life and careers. I took their very breath, and
I gave them a grave. I took the love of their
families' hearts, their pride and joy. It was
a total heartbreak. I took a lifetime of experiences
from both the victims and their families; hugs
and kisses, childhoods, school and graduations,
marriages and children, vacations, and family
reunions. I replaced all these joys of life with
funerals, loss and unbearable grief.
I ripped families apart; moms and dads from their
sons and daughters, husbands and wives from one
another, brothers from sisters, and vice versa.
In reality, my crime has tentacles that have spread
throughout society and affected the lives of hundreds,
or thousands, possibly millions of people. What
impact has my crime had? It has had a devastating
impact. It was an absolute tragedy. And to this
day, it is still making an impact.
Q: If you had the opportunity to say something
to the victims and their families, what would
you say?
I apologize for taking the lives of their loved
ones, for their agony, and the grief I have caused.
There is no excuse, no blame, no minimizing and
no denial of guilt. The pain I have caused is
enormous. Nothing I can say can take the pain
away. It was my selfishness, my rebellious anger
and total disregard for human life. What hurts
most is the thought that their family members
would be alive today if not for me. This is hard
to live with because of the love and concern I
now have for others.
Undeservedly, I have some good days even in prison,
but for them, what I've done is unforgettable.
I have devastated their lives. I am so deeply
sorry for the enormous amount of pain that continues
to this day in the lives of the families of my
victims. If anyone deserved the death penalty
for their crime, it was me. But I didn't get off
scot-free. I remember daily that I took the lives
of Abigail Folger and Sharon Tate. My deepest
sorrow is with their families, and with the families
of Leno and Rosemary LaBianca, Jay Sebring, Voytek
Frykowski and Steve Parent. My name is marked
for life, a mark that only God can erase. I hesitate
to ask for the forgiveness of anyone else. What
I have done is humanly impossible to forgive.
My desire is for my apology to be more than words.
I live with remorse and shame on a daily basis.
I desire to show my victims' families that I am
sorry by the life I live now. I know it doesn't
seem fair that I go on living and their family
members don't. God has changed my life. My life
is a testimony that change is possible. I know
that may be hard to accept, but many have found
hope, saying, "If your life can change, mine
can too!" So, I'm taking every opportunity
to help others get in touch with their feelings
concerning the impact their sin has had on their
victims and themselves. This way, there will be
fewer victims in the future.
Q: You say the crime has tentacles that have
spread throughout society. Can you explain?
The very name "Manson" strikes fear
in the hearts of mankind. It has been said that
people worry about him somehow getting to them
like they worry about getting some disease.
The murders seem to have taken on a life of their
own. Our society seems fascinated with murder,
but the horror of these crimes made it very easy
to take them personally. They shocked the conscience
of America, and fear began to exude its control.
Students who were not even alive at the time,
study the murders. The rock group Marilyn Manson
took on Manson's name and as a result, they've
spread the Manson madness into the hearts and
lives of millions. He actually burns crosses at
his rock concerts.
I don't know many people who haven't heard of
these murders. Fear quickly spread throughout
Los Angeles and the country. ABC's Diane Sawyer
said recently that the murders ended the decade
of love and changed the heart of America. These
crimes were strange and bizarre and these are
the pictures that have affected the minds of the
people. Others, such as the Satanists and the
neo-Nazi skinheads, are fascinated with Manson,
even taking up his cause. It really saddens me
to see the negative aspects I have helped perpetuate
in our society.
Q: Do you think it angers the families of
your victims to see you prospering, in a sense,
while their family members are in their graves?
Some are angry, and I understand. Others are
proud of my changed life. I apologize for the
agony I have caused them! The only thing I can't
be sorry for is what the Lord has done to change
my life. I truly don't deserve His goodness.
I don't know why the death penalty was abolished
in 1972. It doesn't seem too cruel or unusual
for what I did. Some call it a fluke in the law,
but I believe God had another purpose for my life.
We need examples of God's forgiveness and grace
in these days and times. I've seen many come to
Christ as a result of His testimony through my
life. I've even seen people who were angry at
me get saved by what God has done. The Scripture
says, "God deliberately chose things the
world considers foolish in order to shame those
who think they are wise" (I Corinthians 1:27
NLT).
Q: It's pretty widely known that resentment
and anger have a negative effect on people. Do
you agree?
Yes I do. If we allow our hearts and minds to
be taken over by resentment and anger, it can
only have a harmful physical effect. This is known
as a psycho-somatic illness. The psyche is the
mind, which has an effect on the soma -- the body.
The Scriptures counsel us not to allow a root
of bitterness to grow, or we will be corrupted
by its poison, and in turn poison many others.
Victims can easily justify allowing bitterness
to grow. They have been hurt tremendously and
anger is a natural response of the vindictive
nature of mankind. But this does not help or make
it right. It will cause can-cerous disease and
create another victim. The devil is on the loose,
and the only thing that can stop his destruc-tive
victim mentality is God's grace and forgiveness.
Q: Has your family been harassed by those
who don't forgive?
Yes, they have. Their feelings are understandable,
but my family doesn't deserve it, because I am
the one who hurt my victims. They think by hurting
my family, they hurt me. It does hurt, but God
has given me much grace and made me sensitive
to my victims' suffering. I'm reaping the consequences
of my sin.
My parents and siblings were disgraced by my
crime. My Dad painted over the "Watson"
name on his store. He went to his grave with the
shame of my life, and all of my family members
live with it. They have suffered enough and could
not have survived without God's strength.
Q: How do you personally handle these "attacks"?
I've learned not to give it place in my mind.
And when I do, I pray for those who make false
accusations and for those who profit from the
sensationalism -- those who create the news. It's
good to see some of the news media apologizing
for the stories they've made up.
I just don't pay it any attention. I'm too busy
doing with my life what God would have me do,
in a positive direction. I feel if I were to stop,
get side tracked and give the enemy place, I'd
be out of God's will.
I do my best to do everything as forthright and
honest as possible. I'm a firm believer that we
reap what we sow. I leave my enemies and their
misdeeds to God. There will always be people who
slander the Watson name. Some stumble into our
lives only to receive Christ, so overall I see
these attacks as a good thing.
Q: Have you tried to make contact with the
families of the victims?
My gut feeling is that most of them just don't
want to hear from me. I don't want to cause them
more grief and distress. I think about the families
always and pray for their healing, and that the
doors will be opened to make contact.
Some of the victims' family members have come
to my parole hearings over the years, but this
is a very high-stress climate with the purpose
of angrily demanding that I not be released. I
believe it does more harm to the victim than it
does to me. I do feel somewhat intimidated and
very ashamed during those times. It's also very
hard for me to share my heart, and have meaningful
dialogue with my victims in that atmosphere.
I feel the families have been persuaded that
they need to vent their anger in order to be healed.
This may help, but only God, with His amazing
grace, can heal an angry heart. God understands
the angry heart and desires to wrap His loving
arms around them. I had an opportunity to wrap
my arms around a victim's family member, and I
know the loving feeling.
Q: You mean some of the victims' families
have forgiven you for what you've done?
Yes, some have, but I can't divulge who all of
them are for fear that they'd be persecuted. To
forgive is not a popular thing to do within some
families and has caused great division.
In society today, there are two kinds of victim
mentality - good and bad. Good, if you angrily
demand justice, and bad, if you forgive.
This is the case with Suzan. She forgave me for
killing her parents. The act had a healing effect
upon her, but after it was made known, she and
her children were harassed and persecuted.
Q: Tell me about Suzan, how was it that she
came to forgive you?
Only Christ can make the miracle of forgiveness
possible. Suzan says she never allowed others
to cast her into the role of "victim,"
rather, she chose to remain open-minded. She became
a Christian in 1986 and was called into the prison
ministry for a short time. She wrote me for a
year without my knowing who she was. She eventually
came all the way from New Mexico to visit me --
eight months pregnant. While on the visit she
shared with me who her mother and stepfather were
-- she was there to forgive me.
At first, I didn't believe her, but as she shared
how she had come home and found her parents' bodies,
her identity was evident. We'd have many more
visits, sharing many close times in the healing
process.
I've seen how her children have grown up without
grandparents and the hole that was left in their
childhoods. Their lives were shattered. The more
I've allowed myself to look through the eyes of
my victims, the greater my remorse.
Q: What would you say to the victims' families,
who have not forgiven you?
I think I've already said what I wanted to say.
I just pray they will receive God's grace to forgive
me; not for my sake, but for their own healing.
It doesn't erase their memory of what took place,
but it can heal the bitterness that resides as
a result of my offense.
I pray that God will do more miracles like He
did with Suzan and I. As God puts it together,
more families will contact me, so that greater
healing can take place. God sent Jesus Christ
not only to reconcile us to Himself, but us to
one another. I pray to have more experiences like
Suzan and I had that day in the visiting room.
Q: In what way do you feel victims and their
families can be involved with offenders in a positive
way?
The victims may not be able to be directly involved
with the offender except by correspondence and
phone calls. In some states, there are programs
set up for victim/offender reconciliation, but
in most states this is not a high priority or
even encouraged. A person can contact Justice
Fellowship, founded by Chuck Colson, Prison Fellowship
Ministries. They provide a pathway for reconciliation
and restoration between the victim and the offender.
In some states, the Department of Corrections
offers victim/offender groups. The victims wouldn't
be involved directly with their offenders, but
would be able to share their pain and grief with
other offenders. This is a positive way for both
the victims and the offenders to benefit.
Q: What are some of the steps an offender
can take to better understand the plight of victims
and their families?
I've seen many offenders helped through Christian
recovery groups in prison and upon parole. These
groups lead a person to Christ, our Wonderful
Counselor for help, honesty and eventually, victim
reconciliation.
If there is a victim/offender group available,
offenders should enroll in it immediately to get
in touch with their victim's pain, and their own.
But number one, though, is getting in touch with
God's love through Christ. He gives the power
to feel for another, and the ability to free all
parties from the bondage of bitterness and resentment.
I believe until a person recognizes the devastating
impact that they've had upon their victim, they'll
continue to hurt others. And they'll continue
coming back to prison, until they realize God's
fervent desire to pour his love, healing and forgiveness
into and through their lives.
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