The Drugs
Q: When did you first start using drugs and
what kind were they?
I took my first drink of alcohol at the age of
fourteen. That first drink escalated to heavier
drinking over the next nine years. I smoked my
first marijuana joint in Dallas when I was twenty-one,
before moving to California. This led to hallucinogens
(psychedelic drugs) and methamphetamines for about
two years, until I went to jail for murder at
age twenty-three.
Q: Why did you feel the need to take drugs?
I was lacking a strong personal identity, and
felt an older football team member would accept
me if I drank with him. Later, drinking became
the way I dealt with the pressures of school and
the emotional pain I was experi-encing; that is,
the fear of not meeting the expectations placed
upon me. Of course, this is hindsight; I didn't
realize that then.
This behavior continued into college and on into
my life with the Manson Family. Like me, drug
users start off with light use and move to stronger
drugs as their emotional pain increases.
Q: Many people relate drugs with sorcery,
shamans, witchcraft, and the demonic. Do you?
I believe drugs are the gateway to the occult.
The magic arts come from the original word pharmakia,
from which
we get the word pharmacy. Those involved in sorcery
get high on drugs in order to make it easier to
contact demons, and they are soon possessed by
them. Charles Manson is a typical example of one
who became possessed by evil spirits through drugs.
Today, millions of young people are in bondage
to Satan through the use of drugs without even
knowing it.
Most people using drugs claim there aren't any
harmful effects from drugs. But drugs act as a
tool to open the mind, and leave you defenseless
against evil spirits entering in and taking possession.
Ninety percent of those who belong to the Church
of Satan started on drugs.
Q: Did Satanism play a part in the Manson
family?
We didn't know it, but there was an invisible
battle going on for our souls. Manson was a sorcerer,
a false prophet. He was a charismatic leader who
used magic, rituals and drugs to entice people
and enslave their minds. We opened ourselves up
to satanic power and believed there were no consequences
for our actions.
As far as the actual practice of Satanism and
witchcraft, we were not involved in that. Underneath
though, things were being influenced by the power
of spells, charms and magic. The girls did witchy
things, and at least one girl, I believe, had
experience with Satanism. But overall, we were
not practicing it in the classical sense.
Q: Did Manson know Anton LaVey?
I do believe there has been speculation in this
direction, but I never heard Manson mention LaVey.
One of the girls was apparently involved with
LaVey for several months. Also, one of the men
had experience in Satanism. Manson could have
met LaVey through them, in San Francisco.
I did find it interesting that LaVey started
the San Francisco-based First Church of Satan
in 1969, the year our crime was committed. He
also came out with the Satanic Bible that same
year.
Q: Was Manson using drugs, or were only the
members using them?
I'm asked this question a lot. People seem to
think that Manson had all of us drugged out, while
he remained sober so he could easily manipulate
our minds. This may be true, but a sorcerer such
as Manson uses mind-altering drugs himself in
order to contact spiritual beings, and gain supernatural
powers.
He did use drugs to manipulate and control us,
and the more drugs we took, the easier it was
for him to manipulate us with his philosophy.
We all began to reflect his views, a mirror image
of destruction, growing worse every day. We mirrored
his lifestyle and attitude toward society.
Q: Earlier you mentioned that alcohol was
the first drug you took. Some people don't consider
it a drug. Can you comment on that?
Most people don't look at alcohol as being a
drug, but it is. It's one of the most dangerous
drugs. There are as many alcohol-related deaths
among teenagers as there are suicides.
Most of these deaths are driving related, but
now we're seeing binge-drinking deaths on college
campuses and the mixing of alcohol with other
drugs causing death. All of this is an attempt
to kill emotional pain, but they're killing themselves
instead.
Like I was in the '60s, young people are filled
with fears, obsessions, anxieties and feelings
of inadequacy. They are saying, "I want to
belong at any cost." For me, my behavior
ended up destroying many lives. I regret taking
my first drink. It was the start of a destructive
path that separated me from the most precious
people in my life, my family.
Q: How did marijuana affect your mind and
actions?
I had no idea that marijuana, when smoked, quickly
enters the bloodstream and acts on the brain and
nervous system. It's a hallucinogen. It beats
a path to the brain and accumulates in the liver.
I think knowing this would help users to understand
why it affects their moods and thinking. Marijuana
distorts your sense of reality.
It affected me in many ways. My eyes became bloodshot,
it stimulated my appetite and I became more talkative
and outgoing. My mood would vary from a state
of depression, to a feeling of excitement. I slowly
became lazy and found it harder to make decisions
that required clear thinking. Colors seemed brighter,
and hearing became keener. My reflexes and thinking
were definitely affected by both alcohol and marijuana.
I could easily have harmed someone while driving
under the influence.
Q: About the other hallucinogens you've taken,
how did they affect you?
My first experience with hallucinogens involved
my chewing-up rosewood seeds. In reality, I was
poisoning myself with strychnine, which is found
in certain plants. In small doses, it stimulates
the nervous system, but these plants can kill
you. I also had a near-death experience with belladonna.
Children have died trying to get high on belladonna.
One should stay away from these poisonous plants,
as well as the new designer drugs, such as Ecstasy
and Ketamine. These drugs change the chemical
make-up of the brain, can cause paralysis and
are linked to heart, liver and kidney damage.
These plants were two extremely bad experiences
for me. I had hallucinations, illusions and delusions.
I became dehydrated and even blacked out. I became
uneasy and felt panic, anger and confusion. I
was afraid of what I saw inside myself. I stepped
into a dark, evil world where I could see the
spirits of the dead. This world became threatening
and I wanted to fight back. I felt this violence
and rage flare up inside me. As I reflect back,
I realize these drugs were turning my already
emotionally disturbed world upside down. I was
experiencing hallu-cinations, but the effect they
had on my behavior was mind-boggling. That's the
last time I took those.
Q: When we talk about hallucinogens, we think
of LSD. Didn't LSD affect you greatly?
Yes it did, more than any other drug. I guess
I was trying to understand myself better and to
find a quick way to escape from reality. I didn't
like myself or the way things were turning out.
LSD causes bizarre mental reactions and distortions
in every physical sense -- sight, touch, taste,
smell and hearing. What I remember most, was having
dilated pupils and the ability to see into the
pores of my skin. I still don't know if what I
saw in my skin was real or not. I do know that
as a result, I became a vegetarian. LSD is not
really physically addictive, but I guess I liked
the psychological effects. It was a way to escape
what was really going on in my mind.
Walls appeared to move, colors seemed stronger
and more brilliant, with unusual patterns unfolding
before my eyes. Flat objects seemed to stand out
in three dimensions. My senses seemed more acute,
one merging into another; for example, music appeared
as colors, and colors seemed to have taste.
One of the most confusing reactions was the feeling
of two strong and opposite emotions at the same
time. I felt both happy and sad at once, or depressed
and elated, or relaxed and tense. Sometimes I
even lost the normal feeling of boundaries between
body and space. There is a sensation that you
can do everything better, but in reality things
are done poorer than before. I did panic at times,
and experienced extreme paranoia. I'm just thankful
that I didn't have flashbacks from drugs. My choice
to take them resulted in something far worse though;
they helped ruin my life, and more than this,
to destroy the lives of others.
Q: What kind of drugs were you on during your
crime?
I was on methamphetamines. When I tell people
that, they say, "I knew it!" It's commonly
called "speed, the drug of violence"
by users, and even the police, who use the term
"cranker violence." Crystal meth was
blamed by one national magazine for ending San
Francisco's psychedelic scene in 1969, by turning
the Haight from weeds and beads to crystals and
pistols. Those on the stuff tend to be very erratic
and violent. They do crazy and stupid things,
including murder, like I did. The choice to take
this, or any drug, only ends in destruction and
death.
Q: Tell me more about your moods on meth.
What were the physical effects?
Methamphetamines or "speed," affects
the central nervous system. It made me feel alert
and self-confident. On the other hand, it caused
me to feel jittery and irritable. It made my speech
unclear. Afterwards, I felt let down and depressed.
What I remember most is that my emotions were
dulled. I realize now that I was medicating my
emotional pain, and as a result, the feelings
of others meant nothing.
As far as the physical effects, my heart rate
increased, my pupils dilated and my appetite disappeared.
Meth is definitely addictive, and the more you
take, the more you need.
Meth is very dangerous. It exhausts you, causes
mental derangement, hallucinations and even suicidal
depres-sion. I snorted meth, but those who inject
it with unsanitary needles can contract hepatitis
B or C, or HIV. People have also been known to
die from an overdose.
Q: What part did meth play in the crimes?
I only took meth for a month, but in that short
period of time, it took me over the edge. I believe
it was a major contributing factor in my crime.
I had been using it constantly for three weeks
before the crime. During the murders, I felt like
a mechanical man, a programmed machine out of
control, like a malfunctioned robot unable to
stop the brutality. It was like being on another
planet; electricity filled the air. I was without
restraint, empowered by the drug and without my
normal inhibitions and personhood.
Q: Can you add to why you feel children use
drugs today? And why they shouldn't?
There are several reasons why children experiment
with drugs; pressure from friends is one. Children
urge their friends to try drugs. Wishing to keep
in good standing with their group and fearing
ridicule if they refuse, they go along.
Another reason is the desire to rise above the
feelings of inadequacy that are common among teens.
We as parents must give our children recognition
at home and let them know we accept them. Then
they won't have a need for any drugs to medicate
emotional pain and rejection.
Also, children are curious. Teenagers are inherently
curious and aggressive in their desire to explore
the unknown. They may have heard warnings about
the dangers of drug abuse, but they have heard
another side of the story too. They have heard
that this is the way to immediate pleasure. Drugs
are a quick way to get a euphoric high, but it's
not real and only lasts until the drugs wear off.
My life should be a testimony as to why a person
should not use drugs. Drugs destroy your life.
There is nothing good that can come from using
drugs. They destroy your future and your family,
and they steal your most valuable possession --
an abundant life.
Q: What can parents do to keep their children
free from drugs?
The quality of the parent-child relationship
has an important bearing on children's vulnerability.
When a home reflects unconditional love, our children
know their approval and acceptance is not based
upon performance. They receive a good personal
and spiritual identity as parents spend time with
them in companionship. Our children then won't
have the feelings of inadequacy, frustration,
rebellion and anger that tempt them to experi-ment
with drugs. They'll prefer to please God and their
parents, knowing they're loved and accepted by
them. They will emulate their parents' way of
life, rather than giving in to temptations and
peer pressure.
Children who are brought up in Christian homes
have greater emotional balance and stability than
others. Unless there's deadly legalism in the
home, they're not so prone to allow their curiosity
to lead them astray. The church becomes a place
not only to worship, but also to find role models
and peers who are less likely to lead our children
astray. They'll receive direction for discovering
their gifts and talents, and help in making goals
for life.
As parents who are primarily interested in our
children's welfare, we must talk to them about
the dangers that surround them without legalistically
putting them in a box. Otherwise, they will explode
in anger, blaming their parents for making all
their decisions. We must explain that the only
real and safe way to live is to avoid all forms
of experimentation with chemicals or drugs. Even
glue sniffing can have a damaging effect on the
liver, kidneys and brain. Some children have died
from sniffing or "huffing" glue.
Q: What do you say to people who think it's
okay to use drugs in moderation?
It's practically impossible to continue using
drugs in moderation. Alcohol and marijuana are
the first steps on a ladder that can lead quickly
to more dangerous drugs, such as LSD, methamphetamines
and heroin. I'd suggest a person thinking he or
she can take drugs in moderation seek help immediately!
Q: What can we do to war against drugs?
We must demonstrate to those around us that there
are better and more lasting ways to experience
variety and depth, and the richness and fullness
of life than by ingesting psychoactive chemicals.
I believe this fullness is found in a personal
relationship with Jesus Christ. The momentary
euphoric high on drugs does not compare with God's
love, light and life dwelling in our hearts. This
truth is "caught" by our children, more
than "taught."
We need to be good listeners. Our children need
much affirmation of God's love, righteousness,
peace and joy demonstrated to them, not our anger.
A person consider-ing drug use needs someone to
listen to their problems, someone who knows what
they're talking about. Few things make a young
person a candidate for the "drug scene"
faster than adults who won't take time to listen.
Drug abuse is a symptom, merely the tip of the
iceberg. We must be able to get to the root cause.
When our children turn to marijuana and LSD, are
they out for "kicks"? Rebelling against
the system? Surrendering to peer pressure? Under
the tensions of academic com-petition? All these
were part of my iceberg.
I needed help, but I kept telling myself that
the answer to my pain was drugs. As a result,
my twisted life destroyed the lives of many others.
I abhor what I did and how I brought unbearable
pain to their remaining loved ones. I can never
undo my past. And oh, how I wish I could! I pray
that many will learn from my life that using drugs
is a dead-end road.
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