May 2007
In this Monthly View, I
share my failure to receive God's love from
those who loved me as a child; my rejection
of God by turning my back on Him to indulge
in the pleasures of this world; and, my
eventual belief that God's love could change
my life through the finished work of Jesus
Christ at the cross.
My Childhood Memories
My parents took me to church
and held me as a baby in their arms, while
singing and hearing God's word. I remember
how friends of the family shared God's love
with me at Church and Sunday school. I memorized
John 3:16, the Apostle's Creed and many
hymns, such as "Jesus Loves Me This
I Know" and "The BIBLE, That's
The Book For Me." I even sang in the
choir as a teenager.
I had many opportunities
to develop my beliefs in Christ. Once, I
put together a “Tabernacle in the
Wilderness" kit during Vacation Bible
School. I can remember my English teacher
assigning us to memorize "The 23rd
Psalm" and having us recite it in front
of our eighth grade classmates. I visited
many churches while growing up in a Bible-Believing
Community.
The Bible tells us how
God's Word is like a seed sown in the heart's
of man. The condition of man's heart is
described by four types of soil. The devil
steals the seed sown in the wayward heart.
There is no root for the seed sown in the
stony heart. The cares of this world and
the deceitfulness of riches choke the seed
sown in the thorny heart. These soils described
my heart as a child, where there was no
understanding, conversion, nor healing.
But in a good heart, that understands the
Word of God, the seed brings forth fruit
some thirty, sixty and hundredfold. 1
The good heart is a broken
heart. Just as good ground is first broken
up and overturned to accept seed, so that
heart of a man must be broken and overturned
to accept the Word of God. As a child, I
was not broken, but kept hanging onto that
hard, strong and thorny condition where
I was comfortable.
The gods Of This World
The "...gods of this world blind the
minds of them that believe not " in
Jesus Christ. 2 My gods were alcohol, sex
and worldly music that I believed could
bring satisfaction to my soul. These lusts
and vices kept the glorious gospel from
shining in my heart to give the knowledge
of Christ. 3
There were several "defining moments"
in my teenage years. I had a defining moment
when I took my first sip of beer at fourteen
with a football-team member. Another when
experienced my first sexual experience.
And others as I made certain rock music
singers my idols. I believed in these pleasures
and the philosophy of those who partook
in them with me. These. were all defining
moments that led to my downfall.
I was medicating the root of something
much deeper. I had a tremendous fear of
failure not wanting to work and study to
make the grade. The more of a failure I
was, the more I drank and ran wild. The
cycle continued as I failed more and medicated
the pain. After my Junior year in college,
I decided to run away from my fears by moving.
Have you ever felt you could get away from
your problems by changing locations? I took
my fear of failure to California with me.
California Dreamin'
The summer of 1967 was a defining moment
in my life. In California, I found even
more medication for my pain, specifically
drugs. The day I smoked my first marijuana
cigarette was a defining moment. That first
smoke led to stronger drugs, such as hashish.
I was high dope, low on hope, divided, polluted
deluded and sick with fear, Yet still not
broken.
The night I picked up one of the Beachboys
hitching was a defining moment. He introduced
me to Charles Manson. They were taking psychedelic
drugs, so I took them to be accepted by
my new friends. I had failed in California,
but who cared since I was accepted. But
with Manson, acceptance came at a price.
As time went on, more and more was demanded
of me, and eventually, I was willing to
give my all to please him, even my life.
It was a defining moment when Manson asked
me to kill for him. In my book "Will
You Die For Me?". I go into detail.
I owed him a debt, and this would pay for
it. As crazy as his philosophy was, it all
seemed to make sense, since his philosophy
taught, "no sense makes sense."
After the senseless murders, I saw that
by believing a lie I had caused a terrible
loss of life and horrible pain. The thing
I greatly feared came upon me -- failure
expressed by anger. 4 It left me with deep
remorse and regret. My heart broken and
my beliefs were overturned.
Defining Moments Anew
County jail was a bad experience,
but a defining moment. I became deeply depressed
and strapped to a bed with a feeding tube
in my nose at 106 pounds. In a catatonic
state, a bright light appeared assuring
me that whether I lived or died I belonged
to the Lord. A tremendous peace came all
over me, assuring me that everything was
going to be all right. I ended up on death
row. The death penalty was overturned nine
months later, and 1 was sent to a far better
prison with a life sentence.
One defining moment after
another begin to happen during the next
two years. I was not looking for the Lord,
but He was looking for me, because I was
broken. My mother never stopped writing
about God's love. I overheard a girl in
the visiting room sharing John 3:16 with
her boyfriend. My mother wrote Chico Holiday
and Chaplain Ray who came to visit me in
the prison chapel. Christians started reaching
out to me both in and outside of prison.
1 started going to chapel services and on
the last night of a week-long revival, I
went forward to receive Christ. It was a
defining moment when I returned to my room
that night and looked in the mirror to see
my face glowing. I was ten times higher
been on drugs. The seed sown in my broken
heart had taken root.
I didn't understand it
then, but I had become a new creation, old
things had passed away, all things had become
new. 5 I was regenerated that night by the
Holy Spirit. 6 l found out that because
of the blood of Christ, I had been forgiven
and cleansed from all unrighteousness. 7
Christ took the punishment for my sin so
that I would be declared righteous before
God in Christ. 8 It was so wonderful to
know that God would not show partiality,
and that the blood of Christ was able to
overcome all I had done in the past, could
do in the present and would do in the future.
9
Life Goes On Inside
There has been many defining
moments during my life in prison. I see
it as a defining moment every time someone
comes to Christ by surrendering their life
to Him. This could be your defining moment
by receiving Christ's sacrifice for your
sins and His righteousness for you. What
a privilege it is to share this good news
with you. I pray that you too will come
to believe in Christ.
Your life can be fulfilled
because we reign in life by one, Jesus Christ
. 10 I pray you will grow to experience
God's abundant life . As the Apostle Paul
wrote from prison, "God is able to
do exceeding abundantly above all that we
ask or think, according to the power that
works in us." 11 Those who believe
are deeply blessed with all spiritual blessings
in the heavenly places. 12 We know that
we have a better and enduring reality in
heaven. 13
I dare not speak of specific
blessings in Christ that I have received
personally in this life. They are a mere
glimpse of the rewards that awaits the believer.
Heaven will be the home of the redeemed,
and the only prerequisite is that you be
thirsty. Nothing on earth satisfies... not
wealth, fame, pleasure, or possessions.
There is only one thing that can quench
the deep thirst of the soul, and that is
God Himself. He desires to be your God,
and you to be His son or daughter. There
will be continual excitement, discovery,
anticipation, gratitude, praise, and the
joy of being a partner in an eternal adventure
with God Himself.
A Prayer For You...
Father, I need You. Thank
You for the sacrifice of Your Son, whose
blood brings forgiveness of my sins and
for offering me Your righteousness and resurrected
life. I now accept by faith Your gift of
salvation. Through Your Holy Spirit, teach
me about Your love and grace and about the
new life that You have given me. Begin the
work of making me into the person You want
me to be. Amen!
Scripture References
1. Matt. 13:1-23
2. 2 Cor. 4:4a
3 2 Cor. 4: 4b, 6
4. Job 3:25
5. 2 Cor. 5:17
6. Titus 3:3-7
7. 1 John 1:7-9
8. 2 Cor .5:21
Rom. 3:25
9. Acts 10:34,35
1 John 5:7-11
10. Rom 5:17
11. Eph. 3:16-21
12. Eph. 1:3
13. Heb. 10: 34b
14. Rev. 21:6b-7
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